I'm not sure why I feel the need to prove that I don't "need" my husband, that I could do just fine on my own. I'd love to say that we are a pair because we want to be, not because we have to be, but the fact of the matter is I need him. From the very core of my being, I need him, and right now, I am so aware of that fact.
Two and a half weeks ago, Jason got sick. He had a fever for nearly a week. Because I'm on chemo and am at a higher risk, he didn't touch me, slept in the other room and if we talked, which was seldom, I was sitting on the opposite side of the room with a mask on. After several feverish days, he finally saw the doctor and about two days later, he started to feel better, little by little. Last Saturday was our first "normal" day, where we finally felt it was safe to hug, and talk without masks. The next morning, at 3:30am, he left for Massachusetts. He's been gone for a week, and will be gone for 3 to 6 more days, depending on how things play out.
I am beyond exhausted, and it's not a fatigue that anyone but Jason can help with. When Jason holds me and I can talk and talk and talk to my heart's content, the world suddenly doesn't seem as heavy to bear, but when I'm alone, it all builds up. It's not the housecleaning, or the cooking, or the kids, although all that adds up too. It's that my other half, my sounding board, the missing part of my brain is on the other side of the country.
So while as a modern woman, I'd like to believe that I am just fine on my own, the fact of the matter is, I'm not. I need my husband. We're a team, and things just aren't right when he's away.
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