The sound of vacuuming

Has the sound of vacuuming ever filled your heart with joy? Yeah, it doesn't usually do it for me either, but this morning was different. This morning, as I was laying on my bed watching a sermon on tv, having missed church because I just didn't feel well yet again, the sound of the vacuum cleaner made its way up the stairs and suddenly I found myself smiling. You see, if finally dawned on me that I am blessed.
For the past five years, I have been fighting one illness after another, and sometimes more than one at a time, and as I have spent days on end in bed, my husband and kids have stepped up to the plate and carried the load that I used to carry, cooking and cleaning, running errands, etc. I cannot even begin to tell you how much guilt I have felt about this over the course of the last few years!
This morning, however, the reality of the matter hit me with the sound of the vacuum cleaner running. I am blessed. No, really. I mean this in all seriousness. I am honestly and truly blessed. For whatever reason, God has seen fit to allow me to be afflicted with some pretty serious medical conditions, but during that time, He has blessed me with a family that willingly and without complaint, will work together to care for the house, and care for me. (The kids do complain about the work sometimes, but they aren't complaining that I'm not working. They just don't want to have to work. They would do that if I was sick or not.)
I also just realized that I have been looking at my illnesses as just that, mine. But they aren't just mine. They are ours. They affect the whole family. I may be the one who is sick, but my illnesses will have a lifelong impact on all of us, and for me to try to pretend they won't is naive.
And with that, my brain is tired and foggy, so I must depart. Until later, my friends! My, it is good to be back into the vast world of blogging :-).

Silence

Seldom will you come across someone who has not cried out to God in anguish and heard nothing but crickets in return. I am no exception. I went through the agony of major depression and God proved Himself to me in a powerful way. I clung to Him and He pulled me through. When the people in my life I loved the most and held dearest turned their backs on me and threw me out of their lives, God covered me in His comfort and surrounded me in His love. When I was diagnosed with cancer and underwent chemo, my world was shattered and He proved to be my Rock. But when one final straw broke the back of my faith and in anger, hurt and rage, I DEMANDED that God PROVE Himself, I heard nothing but silence. For months, going on nearly a year now, I screamed and begged and pleaded at Him to prove Himself, to show me that He was real, because after all, if He was truly real, He wouldn't be so quiet! He would make Himself known, right? Right? What I hadn't realized was that He had already made Himself known, repeatedly, and because I was angry, I was refusing to see it. And the irony of it all? What I was angry about was done in His name, not by Him in the first place.
If God has proven Himself to us dozens of times in the past, why do we demand that He prove Himself again, as if this time is the "magical" time? This time, we will really believe! This time, we will really follow! Really? Maybe this time we need to really trust.
I was struck by a verse I've read probably a hundred times and never noticed before. Luke 1: 13 says: "But the angel said, 'Don't be afraid, Zechariah! God has heard your prayer.'" The angel said this to Zechariah in his old age, I'm assuming well past Elizabeth's childbearing years. How many years do you think He and Elizabeth had prayed and prayed and cried out to God only to hear crickets in return. Yet, God was listening, but He was answering in His timing, not theirs, to accomplish His master plan.
So if you're crying out to God today and He's strangely silent in return, remember His faithfulness in the past and remember that He is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8). If you could count on Him then, you can count on Him now, no matter how you feel or what you here. Trust Him. He won't let you down.

Good vs. Evil

I like to view the world in black and white. It's easier that way. Lines are clearer. Life is simpler, but it's not reality. I like a world where people are either good or bad, where in a fight you are either right or wrong, but life just doesn't work that way.
I used to think "Christians" were right and "non-Christians" were wrong, Republicans were right and everyone else was wrong. Then I discovered that no two Christians believe exactly the same, that all politicians are corrupt (okay, okay. An overgeneralization...maybe.) Life taught me that people are broken, each and every one of us and that we will all mess up and that usually, within the same argument, all parties involved will behave poorly. Not always, but most of the time. Why? Because tempers flare. Emotions rage, and we react without thinking things through. Feelings get hurt. Words get said, and events are set into motion that we cannot undo. "How DARE they?!" We think and sometimes relationships are torn apart, never to be mended again. Yet if we were to take a step back, set aside our rights and our feelings for just a moment, and put ourselves in their shoes, in their lives for just a moment, we might get a better understanding of where they were coming from.
A year ago, I got my heart ripped out of my chest and stomped on repeatedly by people I loved dearly. It wasn't right and it should never have happened. No amount of putting myself in their shoes will ever make what they did right, but I can tell you this: After twelve months of pondering it and praying for them and the situation, I understand much better what they must have been going through. It wasn't right and neither was the way we reacted to the situation. Like fuel on a fire, we took a bad situation and made it worse, and Satan sat back and laughed while God's people devoured each other.
Months later, there are scars and wounds and some healing. Certain relationships have mended. Some are in the process and some may never get there. Only God knows. One of the many lessons I have taken from this situation, however, is that in every situation I encounter, it is vitally important to try to see things from the perspective of the other person. You never know what you may find.