I find myself more and more troubled as of late. Conversations I’ve had and things I’ve read just keep playing over and over in my head and my heart breaks. People are showing their true colors, or maybe I’m just finally seeing more clearly, and I don’t like what I see.
My entire life, I have equated being a Christian with being a Republican. There was no such thing as a Christian Democrat. Good people were against raises in minimum wage, against raises in taxes, against welfare, against marriage equality, against abortion, and pro-firearms and pro-military. It just was the way things were. I remember in High School somehow finding out that my drama director and his wife were Conservative Democrats, but they also claimed to be Christians, and I couldn’t wrap my head around that. How could that be? Weren’t the two contradictory?
I moved to Modesto in 2008 as an Evangelical Conservative Republican. Then I discovered the world. It was nasty, and messy, and gritty, and dirty, and suddenly the black and white lines I had so clearly drawn in my life weren’t quite as clear anymore. I wrestled with how someone who claimed to follow Christ could exhibit absolutely no compassion for the poor, or for those who were ill. I struggled with how people who had been pulled up from the gutters of life and forgiven for a multitude of sins could turn around and find others unworthy of grace. I wrestled with questions that I wasn’t supposed to ask, with the authority of Scripture, with male dominance, and with a discrepancy that was growing bigger and bigger between what I read of the life of Jesus and what I was seeing in the people around me.
Why would someone who sought to be just like Jesus, who Himself fed the hungry, healed the sick, and taught repeatedly to take care of the poor, be against welfare? Why would they be angry that they had less to put toward retirement, a bigger house, a new car, or a college education because of taxes, when Jesus said “Woe to the rich” and “Blessed are the poor”?
Then the refugee crisis came to light, and the Presidential race started, and along with them, more questions and heartache. Why would people who claimed to be pro-life, and vote Republican for that very reason, also be against helping the starving, dying Syrian refugees? How could someone who reads, believes, and preaches the parable of the Good Samaritan spew hatred toward Muslims? How can someone who cherishes the top two commandments, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself” align themselves with a man who exemplifies hatred and bigotry?! I don’t understand it. I don’t want to accept it. I don’t like this new world I see.
I’m fully aware that the world itself has not changed. It is I who have changed. I left Oregon as an Evangelical Conservative Republican. I came back as a seeking Liberal Democrat. I left as a believer in Christianity. I came back clinging to God. I don’t like this new reality, and to be honest, I’m having a really tough time adjusting to it.
I moved to Modesto in 2008 as an Evangelical Conservative Republican. Then I discovered the world. It was nasty, and messy, and gritty, and dirty, and suddenly the black and white lines I had so clearly drawn in my life weren’t quite as clear anymore. I wrestled with how someone who claimed to follow Christ could exhibit absolutely no compassion for the poor, or for those who were ill. I struggled with how people who had been pulled up from the gutters of life and forgiven for a multitude of sins could turn around and find others unworthy of grace. I wrestled with questions that I wasn’t supposed to ask, with the authority of Scripture, with male dominance, and with a discrepancy that was growing bigger and bigger between what I read of the life of Jesus and what I was seeing in the people around me.
Why would someone who sought to be just like Jesus, who Himself fed the hungry, healed the sick, and taught repeatedly to take care of the poor, be against welfare? Why would they be angry that they had less to put toward retirement, a bigger house, a new car, or a college education because of taxes, when Jesus said “Woe to the rich” and “Blessed are the poor”?
Then the refugee crisis came to light, and the Presidential race started, and along with them, more questions and heartache. Why would people who claimed to be pro-life, and vote Republican for that very reason, also be against helping the starving, dying Syrian refugees? How could someone who reads, believes, and preaches the parable of the Good Samaritan spew hatred toward Muslims? How can someone who cherishes the top two commandments, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself” align themselves with a man who exemplifies hatred and bigotry?! I don’t understand it. I don’t want to accept it. I don’t like this new world I see.
I’m fully aware that the world itself has not changed. It is I who have changed. I left Oregon as an Evangelical Conservative Republican. I came back as a seeking Liberal Democrat. I left as a believer in Christianity. I came back clinging to God. I don’t like this new reality, and to be honest, I’m having a really tough time adjusting to it.
