Molting

Have you ever seen a snake shed its skin? Me neither. Not in real life anyway. I've seen a few videos though.
Do you know why snakes shed their skin? Apparently, it's to get rid of their dead skin. We shed ours on a daily basis, but snakes do not. Instead, they shed their entire skin in one piece in only one day.
I've been restless the last few days. Not sad, and definitely not depressed. Just, well, restless. I'm walking a lot. Walked an hour this morning and another hour tonight, after putting in several hours of labor at CITP. My body is sore, but my mind needs the release that exercise brings. As I was walking tonight, trying to wrap my mind around what is going on in my head, in my heart and in my life, I felt strained, like I was trying to shed something old and bring in something new. And as I walked and prayed, the image of a moulting snake came to mind.
Did you know, according to the Forest Preserve District of Cook County (IL) that

For several days before a snake molts the eyes appear bluish or cloudy, the pupil cannot be seen, and they are said to be blind...During this period snakes do not eat but hide away as if they felt insecure.?

WOW! Talk about a powerful imagery! Snakes appear insecure as they prepare to shed the old and expose the new. The last year and a half have been brutal for me, full of changes and growth. I truly believe that part of the restlessness I'm feeling comes from the fact that it's time to move on. It's time to shed the old and expose the new. But as a snake molts, it crawls over rocks, rough surfaces and through narrow spaces to peel off the old skin. In the same way, as I shed the old me, the old habits and ways of thinking, there is the discomfort that comes from having to peal all that away. It would be nice if it would just fall off suddenly and be gone, but it doesn't work that way. I have to rub against rough surfaces and face the restless discomfort of peeling away the old to expose the new. When it is all said and done, however, oh the beauty!! The same site mentioned above says that once the snake has crawled over all of the rough surfaces and shed its skin, "The snake now is shiny, the colors bright, and the eyes clear."
I'm not done molting, but as I discussed this with God tonight on our walk, I got the distinct impression that while this may not exactly be a comfortable process, it will not be a painful one either and that no matter how frustrated and restless I may get, He will be walking through it all with me. When I get done, I too will be shiny, bright and my eyes will be clear with a new zest for life!
I'm tired of carrying around the dead weight of decisions gone bad, relationships gone sour and poor choices that have long since past. It's time to shed the old skin and expose the new, time to shed the dull, faded me for the vibrant colorful one that has been lying underneath this entire time.

Why a New Blog?

A little over a year ago, I started a blog entitled Tales of the Looney Bin. I was told I shouldn't call it that, but I needed to. At that time in my life, and months afterwards, I was defined in my mind by my mental illness and I needed to come to terms with that. I have realized recently, however, that I am much more than mentally ill. My depression/anxiety are a part of me, yes. And they affect my life and the lives of those around me, but they are not me. I am so much more than that, and so I have decided to tell the tales of my life without the shadow of mental illness staring at me from the title line :-).
I am not sure yet what feel this blog will take. I go through stages when all I want to do is write and then I go through dry spells when nothing coherent will come out of my fingers. I also have yet to determine how much of what I go through I want to put in the public eye and how much of it is better to keep to myself. One of my big struggles in life is one that I think many of us can relate to, and that is putting too much emphasis on what others think, so having my life as an open book in a public forum has proven to be very challenging in the past. We shall see how this all plays out :-).
I am tired today, so the myriad of subjects I wanted to blog about all week long have taken a backseat in my brain and do not wish to be expelled onto the computer screen for the time being. I would like to share, however, an excerpt I read in "Stories for the Heart", a book of short stories compiled by Alice Gray. The excerpt I read is entitled "If I Had My Life to Live Over", by Brother Jeremiah.

If I had my life to live over again, I'd try to make more mistakes next time. I would relax. I would limber up. I would be sillier than I have been this trip. I know of very few things I would take seriously. I would take more trips. I would climb more mountains, swim more rivers and watch more sunsets. I would do more walking and looking. I would eat more ice cream and fewer beans. I would have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary ones. You see, I am one of those people who lives prophylactically and sensibly and sanely hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I've had my moments; and if I had to do it over again, I'd have more of them. In fact, I'd try to have nothing else. Just moments, one after another, instead of living so many years ahead each day. I have been one of those people who never go anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a gargle, a raincoat, aspirin and a parachute. If I had it to do over again, I would go places, do things, and travel lighter than I have.
If I had my life to live over, I would ride on more merry-go-rounds--pick more daisies.