Early morning dance

One of the beautiful things about being seriously ill is that you get a pass on pretty much anything at any time. Perhaps this is just in my case because I have a husband who is so incredibly understanding and supportive. If I feel tired, he encourages me to nap. If I have even the smallest symptom, he encourages me to rest. If I have the energy and desire to do something, he jumps up and makes it happen. I am very blessed.
I had to smile this morning, admittedly amongst the tears streaming down my face at the same time. I woke up around 3am and just really didn't want to go back to bed. One of the biggest challenges for me right now is

that I can't exercise for any length of time. I have very little strength and even less endurance, but this morning I just needed to move. I couldn't bring myself to go lay down yet again. I was plagued with terrible migraines yesterday,

so other than my doctor's appointment in the morning and a brief drive with the family to get out of the house (thank you, Honey, for making that happen!!), I spent the day in bed, and I just really didn't want to go back there, middle of the night or not. So I came into the living room, put on some Jesus Culture and danced. My stamina lasted only about ten minutes, but there I was, in my living room, in my pajamas, in the middle of the night, getting some exercise and crying out to my Jesus at the same time. 
The irony of my new life struck me. I've never been a spontaneous person. I used to like every detail of my life very planned out and I've had to let go of that. So if, at 3am, I want to dance, then I'm going to dance.
As I sit here typing, the Jesus Culture song "Freedom" is playing. "If you're tired and thirsty, there is freedom...Freedom reigns in this place. Showers of mercy and grace, falling on every face, there is freedom. Jesus reigns." I love the beauty of that. Amidst all of the pain and heartache of the last three years, I have learned to cry out to God from the depths of my soul. I've learned that this is ok. I've learned that He can handle it. He knows every detail about me anyway, so why do I feel the need to hide anything from Him? If I am tired and thirsty, I have the freedom to come before Him and say: "Lord, I can't do this anymore! Feed me! Satisfy my soul! I'm dry and weary and I need you to carry me for awhile." There is nothing wrong in this. I am sure that God cherishes the honesty of His children and I have found Him faithful to wrap me in His arms and carry me through. There are times when I don't see or feel it right away, but when I look back, He has been there with me every time. Thank you, Lord, for your faithfulness!