"He said I was attention-seeking! All I was doing was trying to serve you. I wanted to inspire others. I wasn't trying to draw attention to myself!"
He looked at me gently as I spoke and I saw nothing but love in his face, but he said nothing in response. Sobs started to shake my body as the words poured out.
"He told me I was a control-freak. All I was doing was trying to find a way to help that worked for both of us!"
The gentleness in his eyes caught my breath, but still he remained quiet, wiping the teary downpour from my face.
"He said he loved me and begged to be friends forever, but now he won't speak to me! I thought forever friends meant forever, but I wasn't good enough. I was too hard for him to love."
He finally spoke at this point. "Where you too hard to love, or was he unable to love you? Why do you blame yourself for something that is much more complicated than that?"
"I...I...I...I'm hard to love. He said I was emotional, all over the place, that he never knew where I was coming from or what to expect from me!" My sobs were coming so hard at this point that my chest hurt as it heaved under the weight of the pain. "He said I manipulate people to get what I want and that I'm really good at it." Torrential tears streamed down my face now. There was no stopping them as I fell into his arms. "I thought he was my best friend, but now he can't stand me and won't even take the time to hear my side of the story! Am I really that terrible of a person that I am not worthy of love?" My words stopped then and he held me as I bled the tears of a heart broken into a million pieces. He held me gently but firmly, allowing me cry out the excruciating pain that threatened to tear me apart. Finally he pulled me away from him and cupped my face in his hands, again gently wiping away the tears that were still streaming down my flushed and swollen face.
"Child," he murmured softly, "why did you send out those morning texts? Where you seeking attention like he said?"
"No." I whispered. "I just wanted you to be happy with me and others said they liked them, so I thought I should send them out."
"Precious, do I not know your heart? Do you think his opinion of you in any way changes what I know about you? He may have thought you were looking for attention, but I know your heart and I know what you were doing. Draw peace in that."
"Daddy, if you know my heart, and I know you do, then you saw all the terrible things I did, and thought, and felt!" He drew me to him again and kissed the top of my head. "Yes, Sweet one, I did. And I was disappointed, but I love you still."
"Daddy, I'm too hard to love. I'm not worthy of love."
"STOP!" He did not yell, but he was firm and I knew he meant business. "Child, I know you respected him and wanted him to love you, but you have been feeding into his lies too long! I need you to stop telling me what HE says of you, what HE thinks of you and tell me what I have said to you. Tell me who you are to me."
I hung my head, aware of his frustration with me, and yet unable not to sense the love oozing from him as he reprimanded me.
"You said you would never leave me, that you would never forsake me."
"And I haven't, have I. I have held true to my promise, even in your darkest times. What else have I told you?"
"You...You said I'm your masterpiece." I said hesitantly.
"Yes, I did! And I meant it! What else?"
"You said...you said...you said..." Tears began to flow again and I could barely speak. "You said that I'm forgiven, and that nothing can separate me from your love." The shame of who I was, of the terrible things I had done, of all of the people I had hurt and who had turned their backs on me overwhelmed me in that moment and I could no longer look at him as sobs shook my body. He gently lifted my chin with his finger until my eyes met his and I gasped at the depths of the love I saw there, and the tears streaming down his own face.
"Child, I would NEVER lie to you, and no matter what others have done to you, no matter how others have judged you, no matter how many friends have turned their backs on you, I NEVER will, because NOTHING can separate you from my love." He paused for a moment and then pulled me close. "Child." I could hear the tears in his voice. "Child, I know this has been a difficult lesson for you, and I have cried every tear with you as I watched you struggle, but I needed you to understand, without a doubt, that my love for you is unconditional. It is not based on the good things you do. It is not based on what others think of you. It is not dependent on the number or type of friends you have. I love you because of who you are. You are mine. You belong to me, and that is the only reason I love you, and I love you with everything that I am. Remember, precious child, I AM love, and nothing you could do will ever change that. Grieve and mourn and take the time you need to heal from the pain of your friendships lost, but don't let them define you anymore, sweet one, because they are not who you are. They are merely what happened to you."
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