Psychiatrist issues

I cannot find myself today amidst the fogginess in my head. It is not the dense fog of the major depression of my past, but the mild, confused fog, perhaps brought on by pain, perhaps by meds, perhaps by boredom, perhaps by some depression, or perhaps by an assortment of all of these.
My head hurts. My teeth hurt (I need major dental work, but buzzing drills and migraines and muscles spasms are not a great combo). My muscles hurt. And yes, I'm feeling sorry for myself. I'm tired of trying to see the silver lining. I know I have a good life. Actually, I have a great life, but today, I don't care. I don't feel good. I feel like crap actually and I'm tired of feeling that way. My therapist is encouraging me to try to live in the moment. How am I supposed to live in the moment when my moment includes a major migraine and teeth that won't stop throbbing?? Yes, I'm thankful I'm not a human slave. Yes, I'm thankful that I have a husband who loves me and that I have two amazing kids. Yes, I'm thankful Jason has a great job with great insurance and that we have incredible friends.
At the same time, though, I'm mad that the psychiatrist that I LOVE no longer takes my insurance and I have to find another one. I went through the ringer with him and it's really hard to find a good psychiatrist. From experience, I can attest to the fact that many psychiatrists out there can just make the situation much worse rather than better and right now is not a good time for me to be psychiatrist hunting. I met with a new psychiatrist my former one recommended about three weeks ago and I REALLY don't like him, but I have to go see him again because I'm almost out of anti-depressants and need a refill. Besides, I do need to find someone, so I should probably give him at least one more shot, but he tried to argue with me about the fact that my Paxil (anti-depressant) and Tamoxifen (traditional hormonal therapy for pre-menopausal women with breast cancer) don't actually interact. My oncologist and my former psychiatrist went into great detail over this and researched it thoroughly months ago. Putting me into menopause isn't something we did lightly. And then his darn air-conditioner puts me into spasms, badly!!! Ugh. I'm really dreading going back.
Anyway, I'm whining. I'm feeling down today and I can't seem to snap myself out of it. Honestly, I'm scared, because with all the tweaking of my meds, I fear that I will go into a medical depression and without a good psychiatrist on hand, that really scares me. The "rational" depressions don't scare me as much because I can talk through them with Jason and my therapist, but the medical ones aren't rational. They make me do stupid, impulsive things like my last suicide attempt, where from one day to the next, with only one bad fight with a friend in between, I went from happy to popping a handful of sleeping pills in less than twenty-four hours. It was a rash, completely irrational act and as my meds go up and down and around and around in my brain, I fear that irrational, dangerous brain will return.
We looked into paying cash so that I could continue to see my former therapist and we were told his cash rate is $325!!! WTH! Jason's going to attempt to work his negotiating magic next week, but I'm not sure how much he can do. The reason my psychiatrist no longer takes my insurance is that he joined Sutter Gould, so it's more corporatized now, and corporatization tends to mean less flexible, but we'll see. My doctor wasn't happy about it. He didn't understand at all why they couldn't continue to accept the same insurances, but it wasn't up to him. If you wouldn't mind praying that things would work out and I could get back in with him, or that I would be able to quickly find another capable doctor who could help me walk through this medical mess confidently, I would really appreciate it.
Thank you.