That's a wrap!

I had my implant surgery on Monday. It was a day surgery, in and out within seven hours. The pain wasn't anything huge, although I did find it hard to shake the fatigue for a couple days.
Each day post surgery, I found myself struggling more and more with my moods. Honestly, it was scaring me. I thought maybe the anesthesia had messed up my brain chemistry or something because I just felt really, really down and if I could snap out of it, it was only briefly and then I would come crashing down again. This morning, three days post surgery, I was in the shower when my entire cancer journey came galloping through my brain, starting with the day I stood at the desk scheduling my biopsy, back to when the doctor found the lump, forward to when we received my positive cancer diagnosis, to the day we shaved my head, to the nerves of the first chemo treatment, to the dread of doing the second treatment without Jason, to the overwhelming nausea of each treatment, to the whooshing sound and severe pain upon awakening from my surgeries to the mysterious spasms that took over my body. As I sat there in the shower, I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. You see, no matter how bold a face you put on, no matter how silver a lining you see as you walk the journey, cancer is AWFUL! It is HARD! It is EXCRUCIATING! We as survivors have a choice on whether we chose to dwell on that or not, but to discount it would be a lie.
I trust that God knew what He was doing when He set me on this path and I know that I have grown as a result, but I do hope that I never have to walk this road again. Today, I am packing away my cancer cards, books, etc. I will be sorting through my hats and scarves, giving away most of them and keeping a couple that I might still want to wear. This part of my journey through life is over and I honestly can say: "It's about time!"